Are You Kitten Me
by TheLostWoods
Summary: In which Seijuurou's love of cats backfires, and Kouki decides to take advantage of a one-in-a-lifetime situation


**A/N:** This was written partially because I have been writing too much angst these days, partially for my sweet friend Niri because I felt that you needed a little of... whatever this mess is in your life, and partially because I wanted to make cat puns.

It gets a little steamy here near the end, but since I'm me and I am an embarrassed mess, things don't get too far... well, you'll see.

Enjoy!

* * *

"Don't you dare laugh."

"B-but-"

"Kouki, I'm warning you."

Kouki felt the beginnings of a snort threatening to come out, but the icy glare being sent his way was enough to at least persuade him to contain it.

But _god_ was it difficult to.

Who wouldn't be amused when your stoic, "Mr. Perfect" lover rolled over in the morning with a pair of fluffy cat ears perched on top of his head?

Kouki could barely take it. It was too _cute_. He wouldn't dare mention that out loud though. Seijuurou already had a look on his face that said something along the lines of "one word and you're dead," and since Kouki very much enjoyed breathing, he kept his thoughts to himself.

It was almost too much when one of the fluffy red ears twitched as Seijuurou's scowl deepened.

Kouki decided to change the subject before he accidentally let out the giggle that was just _begging_ to be released.

"How did this happen?" he asked, trying to stay serious even though the corner of his lips were twitching with the threat of a grin.

"If I had any inkling as to the cause, I would have gladly shared it already."

Oh, god, he was more irritated than usual. Kouki knew things were bad when he used the _"tone."_

"You have no ideas?" Kouki urged. "Did anything unusual happen yesterday?"

"No," Seijuurou snapped lightly. "There was nothing-" He paused. "Well…"

"Yes?"

Seijuurou's scowl softened and a new expression took its place. Was that… embarrassment? The redhead averted his gaze.

"There was... a cat," he said finally.

"A cat?" Kouki reiterated.

"That is correct."

"Okay. What about it?"

Kouki would have sworn that that was a hint of a blush blooming across Seijuurou's cheeks.

"I happened to come across one on the way home yesterday." He still had not made eye contact with Kouki, and now even his ears were flattening out against his head.

Kouki had a feeling where this was going. Seijuurou had only three true, horribly debilitating weaknesses: Kouki, Kouki's tofu soup, and cats.

"Sei," Kouki began with a sigh, "you stopped to pet it, didn't you."

Okay, that was _definitely_ a blush.

"Did it scratch you or something?"

"…it bit my hand," Seijuurou finally replied with a voice so small Kouki wasn't actually sure that it could have possibly come from the usually haughty redhead.

"It bit you?" Kouki confirmed. "And now you h-have _cat ears_?" The giggles from earlier were making a comeback, and Kouki really wasn't sure he could hold them back this time.

Seijuurou frowned. "That's not all, I'm afraid."

Kouki had a very bad feeling about this. Bad as in he was almost certain that whatever it was that Seijuurou was about to reveal would most likely send him over the edge.

When the redhead shifted his weight on the bed and Kouki caught sight of the long, sleek, red tail that trailed behind his lover, he was done for.

The pent up laughter exploded all at once, and Kouki found it almost impossible to stop once he had begun.

"Oh my _god,_ " he breathed through the snorts and giggles. He wiped away a few stray tears that had started rolling down his face in the midst of his fit. "Sei, what the _hell?"_

In his mind, Kouki could practically hear the slew of horrible puns that Izuki would be making in this situation, and while usually they would have been groan-worthy, at this moment that thought only added fuel to his hysterical fire.

A solid minute passed before Kouki managed to regain his composure, but even when the laughter finally ceased, his giddiness was still practically bubbling over.

The death glare on Seijuurou's face helped knock him down a few notches, however.

"I warned you, Kouki." Seijuurou's earlier bout of shyness and embarrassment had clearly passed. He had absolutely no problem looking Kouki dead in the eye now. The brunet shivered.

"S-Sei," Kouki pleaded, scooching backwards on the bed and holding out his hand to try to keep the fuming redhead away. "W-wait a minute."

"You had your chance," Seijuurou said, his angry tone being replaced with one that was much more taunting and playful and all-together more terrifying. And that glint in his eye and hint of a smirk on his lips as he leaned in closer and pushed Kouki backwards into the mattress definitely weren't good signs either.

Kouki knew it. He was done for.

* * *

Thankfully (or sadly, depending on who you asked), a well-timed ringing of the phone saved Kouki from his impending doom. He wriggled himself out from under Seijuurou and jumped to his feet, practically flying into the living room to answer it.

He truly had never been so thankful to speak to his mother in his entire life.

After a few minutes of "yes, I'm coming home for New Years," and "no, I don't want you to set up a blind date for me" (he had yet to tell his family about his relationship with Seijuurou and that they were, in fact, actually living together), he bid her a farewell and a thank you she didn't understand and hung up. He hoped that the conversation had been long enough to defuse the… _situation_ from earlier, and once he had bravely made his way back into the bedroom and saw Seijuurou was no longer on the bed and was instead getting dressed for the day, he sent up a prayer of thanks as well.

As the day progressed, the two tried to think of a solution to Seijuurou's little "problem," but neither could come up with a way to fix it; mostly due to the fact that Kouki's mind was still preoccupied with how everything Seijuurou did was about fifty times cuter with those ears twitching and turning at every little thing. Seijuurou had always been the less expressive of the two. It had taken Kouki years and many misunderstandings to finally figure out what the redhead was thinking and feeling, and he still wasn't completely sure sometimes. But with the addition of the ears, Seijuurou's expressiveness had gone through the roof. Kouki wondered if the redhead himself even realized it.

They would flatten down when he was irritated (or bashful, as Kouki had seen earlier), they would perk up when he was excited or interested with something; Kouki found it to be incredibly interesting to observe.

But mostly it was so damn _adorable._

Truth be told, Kouki kind of wanted to reach over and pet them as he and Seijuurou sat next to each other on the couch. They looked so incredibly soft and fluffy, and he wondered how the fur would feel in contrast to Seijuurou's hair and-

He jerked his hand back and shared a look of wide-eyed shock with Seijuurou at the noise that had just escaped from the redhead. Kouki had mindlessly reached out his hand, and just as his fingertips had brushed against the tip of one of the ears, Seijuurou let out a low purr.

He _purred._

Neither of them said a word nor made a move for a few agonizing moments, until Kouki tentatively reached his hand back out and took hold of a fluffy red ear. Almost immediately, Seijuurou closed his eyes and the throaty purr started resonating from him again.

And it was _hot._

Very, _very_ hot.

Kouki was starting to feel a little warm, and judging by the bright red spreading across Seijuurou's cheeks, so was he.

Kouki slid his hand further down the ear until he reached the point where it connected with Seijuurou's scalp. When he brushed against the junction, Seijuurou's purring ceased and instead what Kouki would describe as an incredibly hot gasp mixed with a meow came out. Everything was starting to get a little too intense for Kouki, so he retracted his hand. As he pulled away, Seijuurou's eyes slid partway open, and through the thin opening, Kouki could see how glazed over they were.

This was getting _very_ dangerous.

"Kouki," Seijuurou breathed, his face flushed and his body trembling ever-so-slightly, "please, don't stop."

Oh _god._

Without another thought, Kouki grabbed hold of Seijuurou's shoulders and roughly pushed him backwards onto the couch (to which Seijuurou released another low mewl and Kouki thought he was going to lose his mind) and crawled over on top of the redhead.

This situation was entirely new to Kouki; after all, Seijuurou had always been the more… _aggressive_ one, but when Seijuurou muttered his name again and curled his fingers against the fabric of Kouki's shirt, all the while looking up at him with eyes that were practically _glowing_ , Kouki thought that maybe this could be his one real chance to turn the tables. This time _he_ would be the dominate one.

Kouki curled his fingertips tightly into Seijuurou's flaming locks (once again resulting in a purr from the redhead) and started to lean in. He could feel Seijuurou's hot breath against his lips as he leaned in to-

* * *

Kouki's eyes shot open and he sprung upright.

What the _hell_ was that?

"Kouki?" Seijuurou called from somewhere in the room. "Are you alright?"

Kouki's eyes quickly scanned the room and landed on the redhead who stood over by the dresser, clearly just having finished getting dressed. No tail or cat ears in sight.

"B-but," Kouki stammered, "you- and- cat- but- I- what?"

Seijuurou's face contorted lightly into an expression Kouki had come to correlate with "complete and total confusion."

"Kouki, are you feeling unwell?"

Kouki couldn't get his mouth to form anything close to words, so he just allowed it to hang open loosely.

"Did you have a bad dream?" Seijuurou inquired as he made his way over to the brunet and sat down next to him on the bed.

While Kouki wouldn't necessarily describe it as a _bad_ dream, his brain was still fizzled out, so he simply nodded.

"I see," Seijuurou said with a nod. He placed a cool hand against Kouki's forehead and hummed. "No wonder. You have a fever. Perhaps it would be best if you laid back down."

Kouki nodded once more and complied, letting his head fall back onto the pillow and pulling the blanket up close around his face. He was feeling pretty bad, now that Seijuurou had mentioned it.

"I will go get you some medicine," Seijuurou announced as he stood and made to leave the room.

"S-Sei," Kouki finally managed, though his throat was a little dry and the words came out hoarse and rough.

The redhead turned back to look at him. "Yes, Kouki?"

Kouki took in Seijuurou's appearance in the doorway and for a moment could almost see a pair a big, fluffy red ears perched on his head.

"Let's get a cat."

* * *

 **A/N:** The title literally has nothing to do with anything that happens in this mess of a story, but, like I said, cat puns.

Maybe we could tie it in by saying "Kouki woke up and is sad because he didn't get to take advantage of that chance cause it was all some funky dream and now he's like 'are you kitten me?'" Or something like that. Yeah. Okay. I need to stop rambling. Right meow. Oh my gosh. Bye.

Also, come chat with me on Tumblr at chasingstarfall if you'd like to hear some more bad puns. Bye for real. Meow.


End file.
